The Wanker

Dubya - 'one off the wrist is worth two in the bush'

2004-08-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld.....they've all been fucking the same intern with the same hard on for cash apparently.

And you thought the spiralling national debt was to pay for the rebuilding of Iraq.

BUSH SEX SCANDAL

2004-03-09T18:39:00.000-08:00

The world's easiest caption competition for those who only type with one hand.
#2

Make your very own Mr Michael Jackson-potatohead.

Then give it some hilarious name such as 'Wanko Jacko' and possibly email it to The Wanker or print it to give to your Mother on Mother's Day.

Winners will receive the URL to Delphine at Barberella's new-ish single...Unrequited Anoraks.

2004-03-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

Have Madam Palm and her five chubby offspring been neglecting the old fella of late?

Try this (literally) wank game.

2004-03-09T17:48:00.000-08:00

Wanting to spearhead the fight against the 'War on Terror'?

Try a spot of Baggage Screening.

2004-03-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

Dropped a bit of a bollock lately?

Let the Apology Note Generator take the hard work out of grovelling your way back into your beloved's good books.

There's even a Ladies' Version.

2004-03-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

Curious as to when you may shuffle from this mortal coil?

The Death Clock has all the answers.

2004-02-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

Finally.......
For all you girls who've been wondering just how to turn your booty-grind into cash - The Stripper-FAQ - How to become an Exotic Dancer

2004-02-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth.

2004-02-11T11:50:00.000-08:00

Free Lego Porn Gallery Pix of the day.

2004-02-10T18:42:00.000-08:00

TWATS THAT SHOULDN'T HAVE INTERNET ACCESS #1

Fallfandave and his band(?) Delphine at Barbarella's.

You can produce similar results by Spanking John Shuttleworth's Organ.

2004-02-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

FOR SALE BY MENTAL PATIENT:

Complete access to the diseased areas of his banana.
Palm Pilot Urinator.
What he sees when he squints.
Toothcrafted Coffee Mugs.
The Cha-Cha.

Just make him an offer he can't refuse............

"In the world of E-commerce,
there is no one more
STRONGLY COMMITTED
than Mr. Mental Patient!!"

2004-02-10T06:53:00.000-08:00

Who's the Gaylord in the Black?

Why, it's the Gay Referee.
(Right Click and Open in New Window)

2004-02-10T06:16:00.000-08:00

Am I a KIDDY FIDDLING BASTARD or NOT?

2004-02-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

Au Natural Breast is Best.

Kerry Mcfadden wins I'm A Celebrity Check My Tits Out.
But how could she lose with fan worship like this?

2004-02-09T08:39:00.000-08:00

Been wondering what to do with all those scanned knob pics in your office drawer?
Just submit them to nobscan and see if you can win Knob of the Month.
And for all you Knob-scan novices there's even a How-to guide to get you started.

2004-02-09T06:19:00.000-08:00

Everything you needed to know about stinging nettle penis enlargement but were too afraid to ask.

The Wanker Caption Competition #1

2004-02-09T05:33:00.000-08:00

The world's easiest caption competition for those who only type with one hand.

Look at the picture.

Use the caption generator.

And Hey Presto!

2004-02-09T04:36:00.000-08:00

Did 9-11 give you the horn?

Crank one off in memory of all those who perished.

9-11 We Will Never Forget!

2004-02-09T04:04:00.000-08:00

Paralysed by your phobia of dating?

Desperately in need of that special someone or something?

Valentine's day is just around the corner and, thanks to eBay, so is your Online Imaginary Girlfriend.

She will send you pictures and gifts and communicate via email. And, once you're sick of her you can toss her aside and find yourself another.

2004-02-08T17:14:00.000-08:00

Are tits neglected in porn films?

This woman thinks so. She has a point.

2004-02-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

Know any online crack whores?

Send them some virtual crack.

2004-02-08T11:34:00.000-08:00

Don't despair about never being able to get your grubby little mitts on Jordan's melons. You can always fine tune your melon masturbation technique instead.

2004-02-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

Detention? Fancy a blowjob?

This is what the seppo schools call 'behavioural modification'.

2004-02-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

Are there any Seppos who actually enjoyed seeing a bit of nip in the middle of their crap Cup final?

Fetish shop fury over Janet Jackson titflash

2004-02-08T10:38:00.000-08:00

It's a little known fact that Gene Simmons' tongue was hired by the U.S. Army to cross the Euphrates on their infamous 'Thunder Runs'. However, it seems the rest of KISS have also been lying underneath the odd tank.

2004-02-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

Are you still looking for that picture of Britney Spears kissing Madonna ?
Surely you've downloaded that one? If not The Wanker delivers the goods.

2004-02-07T17:29:00.000-08:00

Want to recreate your very own halftime Superbowl scandal?
Get some Janet Jackson removable nipple discs.

2004-02-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

We all know clubbing is as dead as an ecstacy-imbibed cock, but finally get your rocks off to all those birds you always wanted to knobble when the old fella just wouldn't salute.